Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
