Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
