That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
