my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
