I think I died a long time ago.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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