Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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