I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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