She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
