I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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