you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
