apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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