I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
