Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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