I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
