I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
