I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
