My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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