he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
