A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
