she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
