i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
