I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
