the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
