I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
