Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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