Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
