Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
