Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
