After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
