I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
