if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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