that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i will never coherently bang her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
