Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
