Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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