I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
