Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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