right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
