i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
