i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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