doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
