you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
