We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
