I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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