No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
