My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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