I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
