Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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