If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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