I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
