her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
