So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
