i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Found the puke drawer
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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