come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
