I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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