My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
